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Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates/Say Hello to My Little Friend/archive1

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Addressed comments from Crisco 1492

[edit]
Prose comments from Crisco 1492
  • "appears to let Michael know that he sees himself through the window and Michael chases after him." - Michael sees Michael or...?
    • Done
  • "Michael starts to believe that his son is really dead, remembers the crash, yet again, with additional information." - Missing a conjunction after "dead"
    • Done
  • Dr. Lee is in both realities?
    • Done
  • series creator Kyle Killen and Leonard Chang - Creator or creators? If the former, perhaps "Leonard Chang and series creator Kyle Killen"
    • Done
  • "Chang's second piece of acknowledgment for the show." - What? Perhaps clarify a bit
    • Done
  • Clear the unused parameters from your cite templates, having them makes the code difficult to read.
    • Done. Its fair enough.
  • Couple of sentences in #production start "Killen"
  • "This entry uses the "1ATR10" production code." - Either trim as cruft (good for a list, not an article) or rephrase as "This entry's production code was "1ATR10"."
    • Done. Still kept it, but changed her up. Regards.
  • titular "little guy"? What's titular about that in universe? Perhaps merge with the next sentence to become ""Say Hello to My Little Friend" marked the first appearance of Hawkins, a detective who was the titular "little guy" from the series' second episode, "The Little Guy".
    • Done
  • Everything after "Shortly after this episode was broadcast," would do better in the broadcast section
    • I disagree. All of that info is to do with the production information, not broadcast. Broadcast it about the episode's broadcast, and ratings. This is about cancellation, which should be a part of production. IMO.
  • "This installment featured "Bohemian Rhapsody", a song by Queen; the song was played by Rex and Hannah in this entry." - Redundant to the plot, methinks.
    • Done
  • "Although it did not directly impact the ongoing storyline of Awake," - Didn't it reveal one of the killers? That sentence is really long, BTW, and should be trimmed.
    • Done
  • "dabbling in crooked cops and god only knows what else" - small g in the original? Might want to use {{sic}}
    • Done. I just made it upper case, so.
  • HitFix called the following two episodes - Couple issues. Surely the writer called the episodes something. Also, the phrasing is awkward. Perhaps "Say Hello to My Little Friend" and the following two episodes"
    • Done
  • I did a copyedit, be sure to check. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 07:18, 18 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]