User talk:Haertk2/sandbox
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[edit]General
· Good start, but things could be expanded on a little more
· A lot of information has no reference or link to back it up
· Websites are not linked (ie. SocialInqueery – also, you could add a sentence or two on what is talked about on the blog)
· A few commas are missing from the work (She lives in Altadena, California with her partner should be She lives in Altadena, California, with her partner) or are not in the correct place (“I Am A Boy Everyday”, should be “I Am A Boy Everyday,”)
· Incomplete sentences (From queer chickens to why gay men should promote women's rights to children's books.)
· Ward's contributions to feminism?
Works
· Each of Ward's works should each have their own section, rather than all of them being compiled together into one giant paragraph—a new topic should be separated from the one before it to make the article more orderly
· Some sentences could be a little less wordy (From feminist pornography to queer parenting to the race politics of same-sex marriage, and the social construction of heterosexuality and whiteness, nothing is off limits when it comes to Ward’s writing)
· Why talk about, in particular, a conversation with her son when she talks about a “range of topics”? I guess I'm just a little confused.
Bpark25 (talk) 13:20, 17 March 2016 (UTC)
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[edit]A lot of information is provided about Ward, gives a good idea of what she is an advocate for. To go even a little further you could put in quotes of what the overall goal of her writing is.
-Organization
- First paragraph should have a header so that we know what you’re talking about.
- Use her full name in the beginning of your paragraphs—I don’t know who Ward is.
- Some of the information in the first paragraph could probably be put in the “Works” area as her career standpoints. (Blogs that she have, etc.)
- In the “Works” section: splitting each different work and their information into different paragraphs would create a more organized section.
-Unnecessary Stuff
- Some of your sentences are sort of long, namely the ones where you name the range of what she writes about; not that this information isn’t unnecessary but the use of commas or splitting the information into separate sentences could help the reader flow better.
- In the second paragraph, in the first sentence you say “has plenty of positive reviews” and then go on to cite only one review. If you’re going to use the word ‘plenty’ I would suggest quoting another article or even just citing another one, for instance: “For more reviews on her novel visit (blah blah blah).”
- Towards the end of the second paragraph when you quote Ward on her conversation with her son your intro to the quote could be a little more vague being that her quote is so complex. Maybe say something like “When speaking of her parenting choices with her son, Ward admits…”
-Perspectives
- Since I don’t know what kind of page this information is going to I’m unsure of any other possible perspectives but you could possibly include some negative reviews on her blogs or her novel.
-Sources
- External links are good but your sources should appear at the bottom of your sandbox with their bibliographies.
- Provide links to her blogs.
- Some information needs sources to be listed…