Jump to content

Talk:St. John's Shaughnessy/GA1

Page contents not supported in other languages.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

GA Review

[edit]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.


Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Nominator: Dclemens1971 (talk · contribs) 19:42, 13 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewer: Rollinginhisgrave (talk · contribs) 13:24, 15 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Hey, I'll review this article :) Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 13:24, 15 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I've finished my comments up until architecture. Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 13:24, 15 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Prose and content

[edit]
  • The lead will need to be expanded by quite a bit, as it doesn't summarize the architecture section at all, and doesn't adequately summarize the history section.
  • The site where St. John's stands today was originally the site of the residence avoid saying "site" twice, i.e. "housed"
  • added a chapel in the basement of the residenceadded a chapel to their basement
  • When the chapel was itself outgrown awkward, rw
  • authorized the building of a wood-frame church on the property awkward. Would be helped if it used active voice.
  • he drove down St. John's $4,400 debt could you elaborate this for me?
  • Shaughnessy site explain what this is
  • B.C. Generally don't use this abbreviation, but if you want to, introduce it.
  • Link Dedication of churches
  • became known for high use an article here, such as "its"
  • By the 1970s, however if you are going to use "however" here, you need to say "popular" or "widely known" in the previous sentence
  • Link vestry
  • robust ministry to ministry for?
  • began to leave → left
  • Combine the above sentence with the following sentence
  • A year after Robinson's arrival, Packer took an appointment at Regent College, where he remained for the rest of his life. Packer, considered one of the preeminent evangelical theologians,[7] received an appointment as honorary assistant priest at St. John's, which he held until 2008.[8] establish why Packer is relevant to the church upfront in these sentences. Don't mention his preeminence unless it's relevant to his activities at the church.
  • Link low church
  • Robinson also oversaw a $1.2 million renovation in 1990. move this sentence up to preserve chronology
  • has graduated overhas since
  • gloss impaired communion
  • link Anglican realignment
  • gloss episcopal oversight
  • in February 2008 St. John's membershipin February 2008 96 percent of St. John's membership
  • canonically resident gloss
  • The Southern Cone agreed to provide primatial oversight for traditionalist Anglican churches in Canada as an interim step to creating an eventual parallel province in North America. You need to step this out further and explain these concepts better.
  • and join the joined
  • link Anglican Network in Canada
  • the case,[1]resulting space
  • rotation of clergy active voice
  • he would serve until WP:WOULDCHUCK
  • the Ven. rmv title
  • In 2020, a labyrinth was installed in the church a labryinth ??
  • had grown to 80–100 in had grown to having
  • attendance, still far add a conjunction
  • What are bullet windows?
  • as well as red tile sills, that were among "much of the fine detailing of this Gothic-inspired moderne church" that had been hidden by a layer of asphalt siding this sentence is quite confusing. Can you explain key concepts?
  • the natural inside what is this?
  • Just above the main entrance mention that this is from the outside
  • Link Matthew 4:21
  • Introduce that there is a bell tower before you mention it
  • were built from mahogany constructed? Built implies building
  • frieze of dogwood flowers and arbutus leaves. what is the significance of this?
  • artwork done by Barbara Sharp, whose father designed the church integrate this information better, i.e. were painted by
  • traditional-language what is traditional-language? Latin? First Nation?
  • to flexible spaceto a flexible
  • The parish hallit as this contradicts previous sentence where it described as former, now it is claimed to be current
  • both to a design by G. L. Thornton Sharp integrate this better, i.e. G. L. Thornton Sharp designed}}
  • inscribed in an arch in or on?
  • Link chancel
  • 11th century hyphenate
  • the war → WW2
  • The windows are respectively dedicated to Oscar Beale who is he? If he is not a notable figure, just say to a local figure etc.
  • by Hallman Organ Company the Hallman... ?
  • Link Organ console
  • Notable people: this section is confusing regarding figure's roles re; the church. Should be clarified.

Suggestions

[edit]
  • It was designed in a lateThe new church was
  • prominent Vancouver architect George false title
  • by prominent Canadian stained glass false title
  • The church was builtIt was built Avoid repeating church twice in a few words
  • befriended notable evangelicals avoid notable per MOS:PEACOCK

Sources

[edit]

I can see you haven't added page numbers for inline sources, it's really hard to check sources if you aren't doing this. You can use template:rp if you aren't aware.

  • [4]: you can link this book to the internet archive Red XN I can't find in the source justification for build a larger church capable of seating 500... After the dedication, Larmonth moved to Saskatoon to take up the deanship of St. John's Cathedral.
  • [8]: Red XN
  • [12]: Red XN doesn't mention Short, St John's etc.
  • [13]: Red XN This does not appear to be a RS, per [this review https://muse.jhu.edu/article/238421]
  • [14]: Red XN neither mention Anglican realignment, I don't really disbelieve that the article text is wrong, but it's really problematic that primary sources are used for what needs to be a retrospective, secondary claim.
  • [16]: Red XN does not mention Anglican realignment ^

I am going to leave this review here. Unfortunately I will have to fail the article per GACR #2b, because the text isn't supported by RS.

Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 13:24, 15 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.