Talk:S. F. Light/GA1

GA Review

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Nominator: Viriditas (talk · contribs) 23:01, 28 July 2024 (UTC)

Reviewer: It is a wonderful world (talk · contribs) 20:59, 4 October 2024 (UTC)

I have never learned anything about zoology or entomology before. I'll review this as a slight introduction to what seems to be an interesting subject. It is a wonderful world (talk) 20:59, 4 October 2024 (UTC)

@It is a wonderful world: Thank you for taking this review! I hope to have your concerns addressed in the next 24-48 hours, if possible. Viriditas (talk) 21:12, 4 October 2024 (UTC)

Thanks for such a fast response! It is a wonderful world (talk) 07:10, 5 October 2024 (UTC)

Prose clock

Lead

I think entomologist should be wikilinked, I didn't know what it was before looking it up

Done. Viriditas (talk) 21:53, 4 October 2024 (UTC)

Should "Ralph I. Smith" and/or "Light and Smith Manual" be redlinked?

Yes. Viriditas (talk) 21:53, 4 October 2024 (UTC)

most on the subject of entomology: Can be "mainly on entomology" for conciseness

Done. Viriditas (talk) 21:53, 4 October 2024 (UTC)

class syllabus on zoology: Can be "zoology syllabus"

Done. Viriditas (talk) 21:53, 4 October 2024 (UTC)

that had larger appeal: Cut, this is implicit in the fact that he published it

Done. Viriditas (talk) 21:53, 4 October 2024 (UTC)

as it was considered:

• Either remove "considered" or attribute if controversial. Otherwise it is weasel wording.
• The lead says "was considered", the body later says "is considered". Keep consistent with tense.
  • Done. Viriditas (talk) 22:32, 4 October 2024 (UTC)

the first complete compendium: The source uses the words "reasonably comprehensive" which isn't the same as "complete".

Right, but I don't think that's what I intended by using the word. By "complete" I meant the first ever completed about marine invertebrates in California. At the time, there were only two such works in the entire country (if not the world?) Light's Manual, which covered the Pacific coast, and Woods Hole Manual, which covered the Atlantic coast. Neither were complete in any sense of the word, nor could they be, but they were the first "complete' works" in those fields. I see that this wording doesn't work for you, so I will change it. Viriditas (talk) 21:53, 4 October 2024 (UTC)

I removed "complete". Viriditas (talk) 21:58, 4 October 2024 (UTC)

Looks good, I think if you meant complete in that sense, something like "first compendium of marine invertebrates completed in the north central California coastal region" uses the word correctly. It is a wonderful world (talk) 05:39, 5 October 2024 (UTC)

California coastal region ever published: Can "coastal region" just be coast?

I don't think so. It currently says "north central California coastal region", which is correct based on the original version of the manual. What were you thinking in terms of changing it? Viriditas (talk) 21:56, 4 October 2024 (UTC)

I agree "coastal region" is better if the source uses it. It is a wonderful world (talk) 05:26, 5 October 2024 (UTC)

"ever published" can still be cut though, since you already said it was the first. If you want to emphasize the fact it was published, you can use "the first [published] compendium" earlier. It is a wonderful world (talk) 05:41, 5 October 2024 (UTC)

Biography

Wikilink "Presbyterian"?

Done. Viriditas (talk) 22:41, 4 October 2024 (UTC)

Light attended university at Park College, Missouri (AB, 1908)

Done. Viriditas (talk) 22:41, 4 October 2024 (UTC)

Wikilink "AB", "MA", MS"?

Done. Viriditas (talk) 22:41, 4 October 2024 (UTC)

he spent time abroad in Asia, teaching for several years in Japan: can be just "he taught for two years in Japan"

Done. Viriditas (talk) 22:41, 4 October 2024 (UTC)

graduate school (MA, 1913), participating in a marine survey: Replacing the comma with "and" makes this read better.

Done. Viriditas (talk) 22:41, 4 October 2024 (UTC)

Wikilink "Puerto Galera"

Done. Viriditas (talk) 22:41, 4 October 2024 (UTC)

For about four months, from March to June 1912,

Done. Viriditas (talk) 22:41, 4 October 2024 (UTC)

Wikilink "ichthyologist"

Done. Viriditas (talk) 22:41, 4 October 2024 (UTC)

arose out of this period in the Philippines: "Stemmed from" may also be better wording than "arose out of"?

Puerta Galera Marine Biological Laboratory: Puerta -> Puerto

Done. Viriditas (talk) 22:56, 4 October 2024 (UTC)

Redlink "Puerto Galera Marine Biological Laboratory"?

I considered it, and I believe there is another article it might be redirected to here. I will take another look. Viriditas (talk) 21:33, 4 October 2024 (UTC)

Done. Viriditas (talk) 22:56, 4 October 2024 (UTC)

Looks good, I also think that part fits better in the legacy section as you have done. It is a wonderful world (talk) 05:43, 5 October 2024 (UTC)

Wikilink "leave of absence"

Done. Viriditas (talk) 23:20, 4 October 2024 (UTC)

Wikilink "Science"

Done. Viriditas (talk) 23:20, 4 October 2024 (UTC)

surprising scientists at the time who were unaware -> "challenging previous beliefs"

unaware of their prevalence in the region, previously believing the fish was rare: Says the same thing twice

Perhaps, but the redundancy is sometimes needed. I will take another look. Viriditas (talk) 21:33, 4 October 2024 (UTC)

How about: "surprising scientists who had previously believed the fish to be rare in the region"? It is a wonderful world (talk) 05:35, 5 October 2024 (UTC)

Wikilink "history of science discipline"

Done. Viriditas (talk) 23:20, 4 October 2024 (UTC)

Light's paper regarding lancelets

Done. Viriditas (talk) 23:20, 4 October 2024 (UTC)

George Sarton (1884–1956), the founder of the history of science discipline, was so impressed by Light's paper regarding lancelets that he cited it in his fifteenth critical bibliography of the field for 1924:

• Attribute this or cut "was so impressed"
• "cited it in his fifteenth critical bibliography of the field for 1924" -> "cited it in his 1924 critical bibliography"
• Did Sarton do anything more than just cite it? Like explicitly praise the paper? If not, I don't see how this is notable. I'm sure Sarton cited many papers.
  • I believe it is notable as a citation for its time. I will revisit it. Viriditas (talk) 21:33, 4 October 2024 (UTC)

to pursue research on termites -> "to study termites"

Done. Viriditas (talk) 22:24, 4 October 2024 (UTC)

"he worked with the" -> "he joined the"

Not sure about this as "joined" would then precede "joint". What about participated with? Viriditas (talk) 22:24, 4 October 2024 (UTC)

This was a very nitpicky point for conciseness, I prefer "worked with" to "participated with" but really either is fine. It is a wonderful world (talk) 05:46, 5 October 2024 (UTC)

"Termite Investigations Committee" can be redlinked.

Done, but not convinced this is needed. Viriditas (talk) 22:24, 4 October 2024 (UTC)

to help find the best way to control the impact of the insects -> ", working to control the insect's impact"

Done. Viriditas (talk) 22:24, 4 October 2024 (UTC)

Light's important role on this project was noted by the American Association for the Advancement of Science (AAAS) in late 1929: Lacks neutrality, "The American Association for the Advancement of Science (AAAS) said Light had an important role on this project in late 1929" would be better.

written in collaboration with Kofoid: Link Kofoid or cut.

Already linked in the text above, so we don't want to duplicate links. And he's not just a notable co-author, he's also his thesis advisor and mentor. Viriditas (talk)

My mistake, for some reason I thought it was the first mention of Kofoid when reading. It is a wonderful world (talk) 05:49, 5 October 2024 (UTC)

The book is recognized as "the first reasonably comprehensive treatment of marine invertebrates": Attribute or cut "recognized", I think attribution would be better since it uses a direct quote.

Wikilink "marine zoology" and "invertebrate zoology"

Done. Viriditas (talk) 23:22, 4 October 2024 (UTC)

later publishing it in book form as the Laboratory and Field Text in Invertebrate Zoology (1941) -> "which later became the Laboratory and Field Text in Invertebrate Zoology (1941)". Publishing and book form is implied.

The point here is that Light's syllabus became so popular that he was asked to publish it. I will take another look. Viriditas (talk) 21:33, 4 October 2024 (UTC)

If that is the point, it is not clear that he published it because of popular demand. I assumed he completed it and published it because he saw the significance it would have in the future or for some personal satisfaction. It is a wonderful world (talk) 05:58, 5 October 2024 (UTC)

On June 21, 1947, Light drowned as he was swimming in Clear Lake, while fishing on summer vacation -> Was he swimming or fishing?

Great question! I believe the sources say he was on a fishing trip, but drowned while swimming, but I will revisit them again. I used to go swimming in that lake, and it's called "clear lake" for a reason. How he came to drown is a real mystery and no source discusses the details. His death certificate, which should go into a bit of detail at least, is online, but I spent over an hour trying to find it among hundreds of others, and it looks like it is missing. In other words, there is more information about his death available, and the digital record of his certificate is online, but when I go to download it, it appears to be gone. I will try again. Viriditas (talk) 21:33, 4 October 2024 (UTC)

Some additional detail would be great! Otherwise, "while on a summer vacation fishing trip" or "while on a fishing trip during summer vacation" is clearer. It is a wonderful world (talk) 06:02, 5 October 2024 (UTC)

Personal life

was said to have had -> "was known for"

while his own wife

Former student Joel Hedgpeth remembers that Light "always signed himself S. F. Light, or S. F. L. He obviously didn't care much for what his parents had done for him...So sometimes, we use those terms, being overfamiliar in our behind-his-back sort of references.": I feel this is unnecessary detail, though maybe it has some significance I am missing. His naming preferences are already mentioned.

Light was quietly active in the Christian community and belonged to the First Congregational Church of Berkeley: Implied by him being in the church

he participated in the role of -> "was"

members of the zoological community -> "zoologists"?

Legacy

top 255 practicing scientists in the U.S., of which he was rated one of a group of 37 top zoologists in the country. -> "top 255 practicing scientists and 37 zoologists in the U.S." prevents repeating information

During his lifetime, Light published 70 papers

many in the field of entomology

zoologist Richard M. Eakin

Hedgpeth recalls: If we do end up removing the previous reference to Hedgpeth, he will need to be introduced here

Wikilink "pedagogue"

A notable group: More neutral

who like Light before her

Wikilink "oceanography" and "systematist"

Light also sat on the thesis committee for notable scholars: For neutrality and conciseness. Perhaps you could also add "at Berkeley" for clarification?

Reeves had never taken any courses from Light, but had heard he "had a reputation for being a very difficult man". After the stressful experience, for which he earned a PhD in medical entomology and parasitology, Reeves came away with the impression that Light was a kind man.

I think this part is mostly irrelevant, and would be happy if it was all removed, but at least it should be made much more concise and needs more neutrality. Here are some improvements:

• Reeves had never taken any courses from Light, but had heard he [was] "had a reputation for being a very difficult man"
• After the stressful experience, for which he earned a PhD in medical entomology and parasitology -> "After he finished his PhD in medical entomology and parasitology"
• Wikilink parasitology
• Move the section to personal life, where is other characteristics such as his conservative attitude are mentioned
• All quotes require inline citations

The zoological literature cites Light's research as an example of a historical body of work that contributed to an attempt to find answers to open problems in the study of termites: This is WP:SYNTH, a statement like this should be explicitly supported by a reliable source.

of which research continues to this day: It's not clear what "of which" refers to. Is it referring to Light's work, the larger body of "pioneering studies", or the specific research on insect pheromones? It is also unsourced.

modern research: Not sure if 2010 counts as modern

summarized the state of modern research in this area of inquiry, pointing to Light's research -> "cited Light", the other information is implied by the quote or original research.

I'll take another look at the final paragraph after the points have been addressed

Through a lot of the "Personal life" and "Legacy" sections, many of the references to "Light" can be replaced with "he".

Light's Manual

was both incomplete and in need of corrections

the first edition of the book was unavailable to students, as it was out of print: Implied, also technically incorrect since they could get it second hand

Editing and revisions were needed before it could be republished: This is almost fully repeated in the next sentence, I think this sentence can be cut.

eventually publishing: Editorialising and conciseness

Collections and Selected publications

Looks good here :)

Sources clock

I'll continue with the source spot check when the above points have been addressed.

Media clock

Tags Y

The jellyfish drawing needs a tag justifying it's free use in the Philippines.

Looking into this now. Viriditas (talk) 21:35, 4 October 2024 (UTC)

Done. Added {{PD-Philippines}} Viriditas (talk) 23:40, 4 October 2024 (UTC)

Suggestions

Using properly formatted references means the reader can simply hover over the cite number to see it, and will be maintained better by automated tools in the future. It is a wonderful world (talk) 07:03, 5 October 2024 (UTC)

You might benefit from WP:REDEX if you would like to improve your conciseness. It is a wonderful world (talk) 07:03, 5 October 2024 (UTC)