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Talk:Frank Callan

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GA Review

[edit]
This review is transcluded from Talk:Frank Callan/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Nominator: BennyOnTheLoose (talk · contribs) 01:23, 28 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewer: EnthusiastWorld37 (talk · contribs) 13:05, 28 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Shall review EnthusiastWorld37 (talk) 13:05, 28 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

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  • "and argued that technique should be tailored to players." - techniques
  • "Callan was acknowledged as the leading snooker coach." - please state by whom

Early life and career

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  • "Callan won the Fleetwood and District Amateur Snooker Championship in 1950. It was the first time he had entered the competition." - I believe that these two sentences could be merged together by shortening and rewording the second
  • "receiving 21 points start in each frame," - receiving a 21-point start in
  • "His most notable tournament win" - how about victory?

Coaching

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  • The first mention of the term cue could do with being wikilinked to cue stick
  • "He was renowned" - attribution please
  • "with a players technique" - player's
  • I might be wrong but I believe that Commonwealth Club in the prose is the club mentioned in Blackpool Mecca. If that is the case, it can be wikilinked to there
  • The word tables in the sentence "Callan was impressed that Davis was researching the quality of the various tables at the club before playing in a competition there" can be wikilinked to Billiard table
  • "and Parrot was champion in 1991." - typographical error denoted in bold
  • "However, a few years laterGriffiths reduced his engagement with Callan," - How many years later exactly? Do we know?
  • According to Griffiths' autobiography, he started working with Callan in 1985 (p.119); the book was published in 1989 and Griffiths wrote "I have not been going to see Frank quite so much in the past year or so." (p.121)
  • "like the ideal length" - such as
  • "deal length for Griffith's cue action." - Griffiths's
  • "After winning the UK title, Mountjoy said "Without Frank Callan, I would be nothing" - this sentence is missing a full stop
  • I added punctuation (after the quote mark, as there is a comma after "nothing" in the original)
  • "rather than tailored approach" - rather than a

Reference

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  • The reference with the title "Crucible champions: Every World Snooker Championship winner profiled including Alex Higgins, Ronnie O'Sullivan and Stephen Hendry" is missing the access date

That is what I found on the first pass. On hold EnthusiastWorld37 (talk) 18:32, 28 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]