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Talk:Barbara Rae-Venter/GA1

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GA Review

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Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Vanamonde93 (talk · contribs) 22:35, 10 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]


I'll take this one. Comments shortly. Vanamonde (Talk) 22:35, 10 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Checklist

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GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

  1. Is it well written?
    A. The prose is clear and concise, and the spelling and grammar are correct:
    All concerns addressed
    B. It complies with the manual of style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation:
    All concerns addressed
  2. Is it verifiable with no original research?
    A. It contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline:
    Sources appropriately formatted.
    B. All in-line citations are from reliable sources, including those for direct quotations, statistics, published opinion, counter-intuitive or controversial statements that are challenged or likely to be challenged, and contentious material relating to living persons—science-based articles should follow the scientific citation guidelines:
    Only non-ideal sources are the website and the newsletter; they are used for non-controversial information.
    C. It contains no original research:
    Spotchecked sources are fine.
    D. It contains no copyright violations nor plagiarism:
    Earwig's tool is clear; spotchecks are clear.
  3. Is it broad in its coverage?
    A. It addresses the main aspects of the topic:
    Broad enough, but see comment below about length
    B. It stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style):
    No extraneous info
  4. Is it neutral?
    It represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each:
    No issues that I can find.
  5. Is it stable?
    It does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute:
    no stability issues.
  6. Is it illustrated, if possible, by images?
    A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid fair use rationales are provided for non-free content:
    No images yet, but see comments below
    B. Images are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:
    Per above
  7. Overall:
    Pass or Fail:
    Comments addressed, passing shortly.

Comments

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  • Where it isn't disruptive to the flow of the text, I much prefer "United States" as an adjective over "American"; the latter term, while used as a demonym for poeple from the US in English, has both historically and in other languages been used for different sets of people.
    • does this refer to the first sentence? Or throughout?
      • Throughout, really, but especially where the change can be made without the text becoming awkward
  • Link PhD and BA at first use. Spell out BA, since that's a less common term.
    • Done.
  • "Rae-Venter has several peer-reviewed scientific publications focusing on cancer research." This is uncited.
    • I tweaked the wording and found a supporting citation.
  • "family tree sharing site" I know what you mean, but an older reader may be flummoxxed; I'd suggest "website for sharing family trees".
    • Fixed.
  • I'd suggest changing "birth father" to "biological father".
    • Fixed.
  • "DNAAdoption.org" the specific website isn't necessary unless it's independently notable
    • Fixed
  • "searching for the targeted profile" This is jargon-y, and I'm not sure exactly what it means.
    • I updated this to make it clearer, they are searching for DNA profiles that are related to the woman. Let me know if this needs some more explanation.
  • "In addition to identifying..." I'd suggest moving this sentence back to where you're still discussing the victim, rather than the kidnapper.
  • It isn't clear what it was Rae-Venter could do that the professionals could not. Is there any information available about this?
  • "and provided structure to the team's genetic search efforts" This sounds a little like corporate-speak. What does this mean? If you're unsure, leave it out, and just say she was a part of the team.
    • I have expanded on this. Really, its that there aren't a lot of professionals (or weren't at the time) who construct family trees - understanding the second cousin / third cousin / shared ancestors etc. Genealogy has been perfected (for lack of a better term) by hobbyists, rather than professionals.
  • It's a little odd to describe Craig Venter, the Craig Venter, only as "an American soldier on leave from the Vietnam War". You don't need a lot, but what he's really notable for should be mentioned.
    • Good idea, I have added some additional context.
  • The little nugget in the lead about an adopted family member isn't in the body; there shouldn't be any unique material in the lead, really, as it's supposed to be a summary.
    • Fixed.
  • Is there any commentary on her name change? Presumably she hyphenated upon marrying Venter, but it would be nice to know; and it's interesting that she didn't drop it when they divorced. If there's nothing available, though, that's fine.
    • Nothing I could find with a reference. I'd suspect she didn't drop it when they divorced due to the publications she had under that name, but its just a guess.
  • In general, this is a very short article. It hits the highlights, so I'm not going to fail it, but I would strongly recommend scraping through the sources again for anything that's not in here.
    • I have expanded some of this. The topic is getting more coverage, so there was some new material
  • The infobox mentions her geneaology work, and her law work, but not her cancer research; why is that?
    • I had kept the infobox to the work that she was notable for, but I have added it.
  • I'd drop the last paper in the bibliography; she's not first author, and it's a much less well-known journal compared to the rest.
    • Done.
  • If there's no available images of Rae-Venter, that's fine; but you could find a non-murderer photo illustrating the Golden State killings, though, I think.
I am working through this, and should be able to complete everything within the standard 7 day hold period. I will let you know if I run into problems. Thanks for the review! Canada Hky (talk) 23:38, 11 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Sounds good. Please ping me when you're done, as I might miss it otherwise. Vanamonde (Talk) 23:48, 11 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Hi all. I reached out to Barbara Rae-Venter through her website to ask if she would be willing to release a picture. She said she has purchased the copyright to the photo in the NYT article and is willing to release it under a compatible license. Work in progress on that. In the meantime, she said this about the article:

Please note that there is a major error in the narrative that has been put together. I do not and have never worked with/for Parabon Nanolabs. I have taken over and solved many cases that Parabon failed to solve in the period that they contracted to work on a case. I can send whoever is updating this Wikipedia page a list of the cases to date that I have assisted on solving.

Just thought I'd let you know. If you have questions/concerns let me know; she may be willing to respond to further emails. Happy editing! Ajpolino (talk) 22:50, 12 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for the effort and the heads up! I removed that sentence. The paper that was used in the citation is a primary article from Parabon Nanolabs, so there are a few issues with that sentence. Canada Hky (talk) 16:12, 13 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
I think I have addressed all the issues raised in the initial GA review. If you find that I missed something, please let me know. I have deferred on the photo, as it looks like we may be able to get a good one through AjPolino's efforts. Canada Hky (talk) 18:51, 13 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
@Canada Hky: There was a minor point about reordering that you missed; in the interests of wrapping this up quickly I did it myself. I would encourage you to add something illustrating the GSK anyway, as it would still add to the article even if a picture of Rae-Venter is found; but I won't insist on it before passing this. Nice work. Vanamonde (Talk) 19:27, 13 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]